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MY 25 FAVORITE FUCKING TV CHARACTERS, AND MORE TV SHIT!

MY 25 FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS EVER (or at least the ones I could think of sitting down for a half-hour…)

The RULES No puppets or cartoons, otherwise Kermit and Homer would definitely be on this list. No mini-series, otherwise I’d definitely include Philip Marlow from THE SINGING DETECTIVE. No reality show people, otherwise Matt Kennedy Gould from THE JOE SCHMO SHOW would be on here. All characters must be regulars on the show.

Okay, here we go

1) Pam Beesly (Jenna Fischer), THE OFFICE (American)

2) Al Swearengen (Ian McShane), DEADWOOD

3) Reverend Jim Ignatowski (Christopher Lloyd), TAXI

4) Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland), 24

5) Omar Little (Michael K. Williams), THE WIRE

6) Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert), DEADWOOD

7) Hank Kingsley (Jeffrey Tambor), THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW

8 ) David Brent (Ricky Gervais), THE OFFICE (British)

9) Dr. Gaius Baltar (James Callis), BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

10) Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar), BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

11) Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson), ROME

12) Maxwell Smart (Don Adams), GET SMART

13) Gob Bluth (Will Arnett), ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

14) Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli), THE SOPRANOS

15) Creed (Creed Bratton), THE OFFICE (American)

16) Kirk Gleason (Sean Gunn), THE GILMORE GIRLS

17) Lt. Columbo (Peter Falk), COLUMBO

18 ) Carmela Soprano (Edie Falco), THE SOPRANOS

19) Woody Boyd (Woody Harrelson), CHEERS

20) Miguel Alvarez (Kirk Acevedo), OZ

21) Helen Mirren (Jane Tennison), PRIME SUSPECT

22) Ray Barone (Ray Ramono), EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND

23) Artie (Rip Torn), THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW

24) Agent (Stephen Merchant), EXTRAS

25) Max Denby (Max Wright), NORM

Yes, I know, I’m HBO’s ass-whore. But now it’s time for YOU to say who you like best — and to complain about who I didn’t include (Kramer, Spock, Mulder, John Locke, etc).

Who are your favorites? And who did I miss?

WHAT TV SHOWS I’M CURRENTLY WATCHING…

WONDER SHOWZEN

So my brother Brian gave me the DVD of the first season of this show for my birthday. Oh my God, it’s fucked-up.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s a kids’ show for adults, featuring puppets and cartoons. It’s on MTV2 and is also now available on DVD. I love it so much there’s a spot of pre-cum on the front of my pants after every episode.

The "Beat Kids" segment with Trevor is awesome. That kid is spectacular, especially when a senior citizen gives him a hug and he says, "Youre creeping me out, old man."

I also like that blue puppet Clarence that interviews people on the street and without fail ends up harassing them. It’s amazing how many people get angry with the blue puppet and try to hurt him. It’s equally amazing that 2/3 of these angry folks, in their fury, continue to look into the plastic eyes of the puppet as opposed to the guy who has his hand up the puppet’s ass and is speaking in his voice.

And then, of course, there is the "FUNNY/NOT FUNNY" segment. "Not Funny!" yelled by children over a photograph of the dead body of some mutilated Tutsi is, sadly, the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. The second funniest is yelling "Not Funny!" over a shot of adults pulling a teen boy’s lifeless body out of a swimming pool. The third funniest is "Funny!" yelled over a shot of a donkey pooping.

I simply cannot believe a show this extreme is on television. If you’re in for this type of shit, and you don’t want to punch me for the segments I’ve mentioned above, please watch it now.

DEADWOOD

DEADWOOD is my favorite show on TV, at least until THE WIRE comes back in a couple weeks. Ian McShane pulls out all the stops every week, and leads the best cast currently on TV… and perhaps ever. Big props go to Robin Weigert as Calamity Jane, and Brad Dourif, who is the best hes been since ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST. And Jeffrey Jones too. Yeah, I know, Jones recently got into legal trouble for taking nudie photos of a fourteen-year-old boy. But what’s a few stretchier young buttholes in exchange for work of this caliber?

Admittedly, I’m a little disappointed HBO pulled the plug on future seasons of the show. I know they wanted creator David Milch to focus on his new surfing/crime series, but I’m just not sure if two two-hour episodes next season are going to be enough to wrap up all the loose threads…

BIG BROTHER 7: ALL STARS I’m all conflicted about my favorite reality show. I was a big fan of the Season 6 alliance, and now it got all fucked up. I don’t know who to blame. I love Janelle, but she really did fuck over James. Then again, I’m not really sure that gave James the right to betray their alliance (James is like a husband who cheats on his wife because she flirts with someone at the office). I know, I know: most of you don’t watch BIG BROTHER and could give a shit about this. But me, well, this is what truly matters in the summertime.

I know what many of you are wondering. You’re wondering if someone forced me to shoot the remaining Big Brother contestants in the faces one by one, what order would I shoot them in? Well, here’s your answer:

1) Mike Boogie
2) Will
3) Marcellas
4) Chicken George
5) Erica
6) Danielle
7) James
8 ) Janelle
9) Howie
In other words, Howie is my favorite.

If they were all thrown into a ring and forced to fight to the death, this is the order they would die:

1) Chicken George (he’d be weak from being on slop.)
2) Erica
3) Danielle
4) Mike Boogie
5) Marcellas
6) Janelle
7) Will
8 ) Howie
9) James

MEERKAT MANOR

This show is a little too intense for me. I get very wrapped up in the lives of these little fuckers and their life and death situations are a bit too much for me to take. That said, the baby ones are cute as hell and I find myself compelled to watch every week. My favorites are Shakespeare and Mozart. And I have a strange fascination with Youssarian, the meerkat who was dropped on his head by a bird of prey as a baby and is now a true fucking freak. His weird little hand-wringing stance makes him seem like Snidley Whiplasy in need of a crack fix, or an overblown Igor performance in a high school production of DRACULA, or something from DER EWIGE JUDE. If he were on a human reality show you’d think it was all a put-on. But he’s not. He’s a meerkat. And they don’t regularly put on airs.

And that’s the end of this lazy fucking blog.

© 2006 – 2009, Just Linda. All rights reserved.

Category: LISTS

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  • dellamorte_dellamore

    Very good list, i think. Only really missing Mal from Firefly and Tim from Spaced.
    Wonder Showzen destroys the inner lining of my head, and I love it for it.
    Thanks for Slither and PG Porn, by the way.



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