JamesGunn.com – Official Website for James Gunn

youtube facebook twitter myspace blip.fm
 
 

5 Lists of 5

I know what you guys want, and it’s lists.  I know you’re jonesing.  It’s been a while since I’ve posted any lists, so here are

5 LISTS OF 5:

THE 5 WOMEN I PLEASURED MYSELF TO MOST AS A TEENAGER

If these women were standing anywhere near me from the ages of 13 to 19, they would have drowned. 1.       Olivia Newton-John

 

 

2.       Lisa Bonet

 

 

3.       Lea Thompson

 

 

4.       Markie Post

5.       Kelly Preston

Honorable mentions – Jeana Tomasino and the chicks from the ZZ Top Videos, and Mary Louise Weller as Mandy Pepperidge in ANIMAL HOUSE.  Although they had much less screen time than the above-mentioned vixens, their percentage of pleasure time was enormous.

(EDIT: New Note – I just realized I made a tremendously huge mistake in the above category, as P.J. Soles should definitely be on this list.)

DR. WESLEY VON SPEARS 5 FAVORITE TOYS Every morning after breakfast Wesley and I have playtime.  And every morning I let him pick his own toy.  These are the ones he chooses the most:

1.       Saliva Bear

 

Saliva Bear gets his name because Wesley loves to lick him and does so often and for long periods of time throughout the day.  Therefore, he is often sopping wet with Wesley’s spit.  Wesley loves to bring Saliva Bear to bed, and set his soppy goodness on the pillow right beside Jenna’s face.  Surprise!

2.       Puppy

 

 

Puppy, like many of Von Spears’s toys, has a personality; she is a maniacally gleeful masochist.  She picks on Wesley and demeans his masculinity until he beats her, which she digs like nobody’s business.  She has a voice like R.C. Collins from the Phil Hendrie Show.

 

3.       Blue Ball with Eyes of Unknown Origin

 

I don’t know where in the fuck this thing came from.  I think the kids next door accidentally threw it over our fence.  Whatever the case, Wesley found it, brought it inside, and now we play with it all the time.  We both hope Blue Ball with Eyes doesn’t have AIDS.  If so, we’re screwed.  (I see now, actually looking at it for the first time, it’s some sort of duck, or bird.  But we only know it as Blueballwitheyes, as in, "Hey, boy, go get Blueballwithyes!")

4.       Kitty

Kitty’s personality is essentially the polar opposite of Puppy’s.  While Wesley chews and tugs on her she desperately cries in vain for God to help her.  She claims the pain is unbearable.  Neither God nor I are listening, and Wesley loves her agonized howls.  Strangely, her falsetto voice is almost exactly the same as Puppy’s.

5.       Wesley Jr.

Wesley Jr. is Wesley’s illegitimate son who he likes to child-abuse and torture.  Unlike Puppy or Kitty, Wesley Jr. has almost no reaction.  He is, unfortunately, a little slow.

 

MY 5 FAVORITE COMIC BOOKS GROWING UP

1.       Howard the Duck

2.       Amazing Spider-Man

3.       Conan the Barbarian

4.       The Spirit (the reprints, of course)

5.       Uncanny X-Men


6.       Tomb of Dracula

 

5 ALBUMS THAT ROCK THAT YOU MAYBE NEVER HEARD

1.       The Ark – In Lust We Trust

 

2.       Monster – Rocker’s Delight

3.       Buzzbomb – Vandalias

 

 

4.       Tsar – Tsar

 

 

5.       You Am I – Hourly, Daily

 

6.       The Swingers – Counting the Beat

 

5 TRIPS TO THE HOSPITAL

1.       Twisted testicle (aka "Twisticle"), c. 1982

2.       Beaten over the head with fists by two bodybuilding breakdancers whom I was making fun of, 1985

3.       Bug flew in my ear and was stuck in there, buzzing around, driving me fucking crazy, 1987

4.       Head-banging downward as guitarist brought guitar upwards and tuning pegs slammed into brow (5 stitches, but I played for another hour with blood running down my face!  Awesomocity!), 1988

5.       Dragged down the street by car and dropped on brick road, smashed face open, 1990

 

Honorable Mention:  Numerous eye bubbles.

© 2006 – 2009, Just Linda. All rights reserved.

Category: LISTS

Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,



Archives