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Adventures in Vegas and at the Porn Convention…



What happens in Vegas… shoulda definitely never fucking happened in Vegas.


So I took my buddy Stevie Blackehart on a birthday trip to Vegas, and it JUST SO HAPPENED that the trip coincided with the AVN Adult Awards and convention, and it JUST SO HAPPENED that my pals Aiden Kelly and Belladonna offered Stevie and I free trade passes…

Even though Bella is my number 1 Arch-MySpace-Blogging-Rival, Stevie and I just couldn’t pass it up.

Of course the moment we arrived Stevie started giggling like a schoolgirl and wanted to have photos taken with all of his favorite adult stars. Since this was his day, I obliged.

Stevie kept telling these dudes to "reach in his coffee cup", but none of them fell for it. They’d all seen the Dick in Box video. (Unfortunately, I hadn’t — I’ll never drink Starbucks again without thinking of the porridgey feel and rancid odor of Stevie’s syphillitic penis).

And let’s not forget John Wayne Bobbitt, more penis-y than he’s been in years.

The lines were long for all of MY favorite adult stars, so I thought I’d try something new — I just had my picture taken with some of the fans who were standing in line. Hard to believe — but none of these guys had a single person standing in line waiting to have their picture taken with them.

That last guy? I fucked him.

I’m kidding!! I just blew him.

I’m kidding again! He raped me.

That time I’m not kidding. That dude’s a fucking dick.

(Don’t sue me, strange camera dude.)

I was very pleased to be recognized many times daily. It’s good to know my biggest fans are fucking perverts.

At one point, I looked over to see these women tossing something out to the crowd, and dudes going crazy fighting over them…



I didn’t know what it was until a woman nearby showed me…

(NOTE: My video of the FLESHLIGHT, a plastic vagina tube made to have sex with, was removed by PHOTOBUCKET as "inappropriate content." I don’t quite get it — it just looks like a little butt to me. But imagine you’re watching a video of it now. Then go on.)

I had just witnessed my first ever VAGINA TOSS – these dudes were all fighting over PLASTIC THINGS TO FUCK!

I’ve never tried to fuck one of those things but I honestly think my hand would feel more fleshy and vagina-like. Just a thought. God loves ugly men so he gave them the closest thing to a vagina (after a vagina or a woman’s mouth) attached to the end of their arms. Thank you, God (but not thank you as much as I would if there was a woman’s mouth in the palm of my hand).

But I guess that plastic dealie was the closest most of the dudes in this crowd were going to get to a vagina that isn’t attached to them… (but I kid the perverts. These guys are all getting tons of pussy.)

The truth is, I had a ball at the convention. Sure, there are a fair amount of scumbuckets around — but I think the scumbucket ratio is pretty similar, maybe even less, than what it is at the Cannes Film Festival. Have any of you ever met an ICM agent? I’d take an Evil Angel rep over those fuckers any day.

And while there I hung out with my old friend Jason Green who worked on TROMEO & JULIET and now runs PARADISE VISUALS, I met Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show (whose scrotum waxing on Sirius was probably the highlight of my 2007), and I had an incredible gourmet French dinner with Aiden, Bella, Jules Jordan, Jenna Haze, Bobbi Starr, and her dude Michael.

There’s probably more to tell about our Vegas trip, but I actually caught a bug while I was there and need to go to sleep. Just a little touch of the HIV. I’m pretty sure it’ll be gone by the weekend.

I love you,

James

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