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I Answer My Own Questions of the Day and Masters of Horror Dinner

Recently on my
TWITTER page (and sometimes on MySpace and Facebook), I’ll post a Question of the Day, and get dozens of trippy, sometimes funny, and usually honest answers.  I seldom answer them myself, so I thought I’d do so here…

What song is your biggest guilty pleasure? It should be something you’re embarrassed to mention.

I’m really not that embarrassed by a lot of songs that might be considered “uncool” – songs like Britney Spears’ HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME and Bon Jovi’s LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER are songs I unapologetically love as they’re actually incredibly well-written, fairly well produced songs.

However, there are a few songs I kind of like when they come up on the radio – songs like Cher’s BELIEVE, which is rancid, but it holds a sort of sick enjoyment for me – like having sex with the sad, awkward, wall-eyed girl at the party after all your friends have left because you don’t want them to know .  But still I’ve never actively acquired the song.  It’s a song that happens to me and I go with it.

Right after I first posted this question, Garth Brooks’ I’VE GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACE came up on my iPod shuffle while I was working out, and my assistant Amanda was making fun of me for it.  Let me say that when I put on my iPod shuffle, I only do my top rated songs – it’s about 1,500 of 9,000 songs.  So not only is Garth Brooks on my iPod – I actively took the time to give it five stars as one of my favorites so I could listen to it more often.  And that is a little embarrassing.
I’ve been on dates as well where I put on the old iPod top-rated shuffle, and of course risked one of these beauties coming up:

–    They Don’t Know, Tracey Ullman
–    Digging Your Scene, the Blow Monkeys.
–    What About Me?, Moving Pictures.
–    The Rainbow Connection, Sarah MacLachlan
–    Little Black Backpack, Stroke 9
–    Let’s Pretend, The Bay City Rollers
–    Fat Lip, Sum 41
–    Cherry Pie, Warrant

But, of all of them, I’m probably most embarrassed by Garth Brooks.  But, hell, it could be worse – It could be Chris Gaines.

Would you have sex with someone who repulses you for 25 grand?  If not, would you do it for any amount?

I used Roseanne Barr (present day) as my imaginary test scenario.  I would definitely not do it for 25 grand, as I have the luxury of making that in much easier ways.  If she offered me 500 grand to do it, would I?  No, probably not.  Firstly, I would just feel bad about myself and secondly, I would be afraid it would get out, and I would be known as the Director Who Prostituted Himself to Roseanne Barr.  However, for 4.5 million dollars I would probably fuck the living shit out of her.  Happily. And blog about it.

If you’re in a relationship, would you be uncomfortable if your partner watches porn?

If my girlfriend’s jerking off to something that makes me feel weird – like face-farting videos or shit stuff – yeah, that would admittedly make me uncomfortable.  And I’m neurotic, so any porn watching might make me feel slight amounts of discomfort.  But in general it’s not a big deal if done in moderation.

Is this funny or stupid: (Kinda NSFW video, but not too bad)?

It’s stupid, but it’s very well shot.

If you could have sexual relations with any one celebrity, who would it be?

That would of course be Terra Naomi.  But if I wasn’t in a relationship, I would really enjoy having intercourse with Josie Maran.  Unless a time machine is involved, then it’s Olivia Newton John in the mid-seventies.

Who would win in a fight between Jesus, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Aquaman?  The fight takes place in a swamp, and team-ups are not allowed.

There’s actually a correct answer to this, and it’s Aquaman.  Firstly, Aquaman not only breathes underwater, he’s got fucking superpowers – he’s able to go to the bottom of the sea without being crushed.  Therefore, the Creature from the Black Lagoon is a complete non-starter.  Aquaman would punch a hole through his head in about two seconds.  As far as I know, Jesus Christ doesn’t have super-strength and his superpowers are very limited – he can bring people back to life, he can walk on water, and he can turn water into wine.  All that doesn’t really help much if Aquaman is crushing Jesus’s head between his hands like a Crenshaw melon in a vice.  Oh yeah, and Jesus can also resurrect himself – but only after three days – by that time A.M.’s kicked his ass.  So Aquaman is easily the winner here, and any argument besides that is kind of dumb and immature.  The slaughter would be even more horrific if it was the hardcore Aquaman-with-a-hook for a hand.

Who is the greatest movie BADASS of all time, i.e. Dirty Harry, Vader?

It’s Lee Marvin, especially in POINT BLANK.

What’s your favorite TV show of 2008?


What superhero or superheroine would you most like to fuck?

I was wavering between Ms. Marvel and Tigra, but I honestly think that Tigra being covered in a thin layer of fur would probably freak me out in reality.  So I’ll have to go with Ms. Marvel.  

The answers people gave for this one were fascinating – For women, the most common answers were Batman and Gambit (?), for men, it was She-Hulk (?).

What’s your favorite pop, rock, or hip-hop song of 2008?

Already answered in a blog, but it’s either The Second Band’s No Song or their The Killer Comeback Line.

If all of my MySpace Top Friends were put into a pit and forced to fight to the death, who would be the last person alive?

If it was a contest on pure strength and fighting skills alone, it would almost certainly be Stevie Blackehart (the final two would be him and Rooker).

If you haven’t answered on any of my pages, then answer below!  And, again, look for more Questions of the Day on my TWITTER page .

Oh –

And I posted this there too recently.  It’s the Masters of Horror Dinner Saturday, which was perhaps the most incredible one yet. 

Photo courtesy John Landis (and by "courtesy" I mean he sent it to me and I used it without his permission.  Thanks, John)

To be invited, you have to have directed a horror movie.  It was Tobe Hooper’s birthday, and regulars like Guillermo Del Toro and Wes Craven were there, as well as newbies like Michael Mann and Wim Wenders.  Like we do to all newbies, we made them strip down and crawl through the spanking machine and then do the elephant walk.

As for why Michael Mann and Wim Wenders belonged at the Masters of Horror dinner, Michael Mann directed THE KEEP and Wim Wenders is directing a horror movie now.  Additionally, they’re Michael Mann and Wim Wenders.



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