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PG PORN: HIGH POON Challenges Susan Boyle to a SHOWDOWN!


This is the exclusive FIRST-EVER photo from PG PORN: HIGH POON!

Recently, that Susan Boyle video from BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT surpassed the all-time, one-week video hits record with over 66 million hits!!  (The previous record was in the 30 million range for Tina Fey as Sarah Palin).  This is an amazing testament to the power of UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN WITH SOMEWHAT ABOVE AVERAGE VOICES!

That said, Susan Boyle, we here at PG PORN challenge you to a showdown!   That’s right, bitch!  ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, on Tuesday, April 28, the new episode of PG PORN, HIGH POON, airs exclusively on Spike.com/pgporn.  The episode stars Serenity‘s Alan Tudyk, Cock Happy 2‘s Belladonna, Loveline‘s Ted Stryker, the internet’s own me, and featuring a special appearance by Bitchcraft 4‘s Roxy DeVille.

PG PORN: HIGH POON is going to beat your record, you Scottish whore!  We are going to get at least 67 million hits in ONE WEEK. 

People are telling me this goal is unrealistic.  PG PORN is Spike.com’s biggest hit ever, but, even still, our most popular episode only has 2.2 million hits – and that’s after a few months.  Well I have something to say to all of you – FUCK YOU, DESTROYERS OF DREAMS!  I believe in the power of positive thinking, and that is why PG PORN is going to metaphorically BASH SUSAN BOYLE’S  FACE IN WITH A SHOVEL ‘TIL IT’S A MUSHY PULP!

With your help, we can spread our Western-themed Non-sexual Porn all over the Globe!  We’ll see you there in ONE WEEK!

So long, pardner!

James

 

MEANWHILE,

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  • weefeesmum

    I’ve got to reply to this one. I totally agree with you and am hoping that your next PG Porn has more hits than Susan Boyle’s Youtube.

    I am from Blackburn the Scottish Village that Susan belongs to. I know the woman. Just to let you know that not all Scot’s from Blackburn are Susan’s – Some of us are worse!!!!

  • zombiegod666

    I can’t wait to metaphysically bash something to a bloody pulp! That said I’m going to force friends and family alike to watch High Poon, they can’t look at me any stranger then they already do.

  • Susan_Boyle

    don’t tell anyone but i’m actually a guy with a bad wig and a horrible voice for a guy,but somehow the voice works a bit as a female,our secret,ok,i accept your challenge,loser wears the wig!!!

  • Maddy_Bauer

    @Ben Newton
    Yeah but where is Paul Potts now? He hasn’t done anything since a throat medicine advert…in JAPAN…last year! It’s all quick bucks and no longevity. I prefer it when stars work their way to success and keep it. It’s quite rare for these reality show folk to keep going. Yes, every now and again we get a Leona Lewis but for every Lewis there’s a half dozen previous winners who fizzle out. Our last X Factor winner was recently dropped after releasing only the obligatory xmas hit and one more single that was swept under the radar. They didn’t even try with him! What’s the point? :-(.

    And dude I seriously recommend ‘Chart Throb’ is you are on the same page as me :). Heck throw in ‘Dead Famous’ too (also Ben Elton) where he reveils the farce behind Big Brother with a wonderfully gorey and hilarious murder mystery.

  • Michelle

    Imagine the number of hits you could rack up if you managed to get Susan Boyle to star in the next PG Porn…

    In all seriousness, I accept your challenge. And why stop at 67 million hits? Let’s go for 100 million!

  • To be fair Maddy, Paul Potts’ first album went to number 1 in I think 13 countries. But I completely agree with you that the idea that these people are completely undiscovered until they’re thrown into an ‘audition’ on a reality show is bullshit.

  • Maddy_Bauer

    What’s with all the hype over any of these lame “reality” talent shows. Can no one see it’s a farce? It’s all set up, staged, cleverly edited and an insult to everyone’s intelligence with their lame duck way of trying to disguise it as a real show! Susan Boyle is good, yes! Great? Hell no!

    Read ‘Chart Throb’ by Ben Elton. Susan Boyle is but a ‘Minger’ with talent. She’ll amount to nothing in the same way Paul Potts and George Sampson did. Like they say: Today’s news is tomorrow’s chip paper.

    PG Porn, on the other hand, well that’s just genius and legendary. PG Porn will stand the test of time. Every year an old contestant gets upstaged and replaced by new talent that takes over the tabloid pages. What could possibly replace PG Porn? It’s pretty irreplaceable! It’s porn that’s PG; funny; has endless double entendre jokes; features many great stars in odd and, at times, disturbing roles. Also, a man pouring his heart out through the use of song about only needing his own hand for love will get me more teary eyed than some 47 year old church volunteer who can sing a bit. COME ON, PEOPLE!!

    Your quest is duly noted, but know that the Boyle will soon be lanced and the crude shall rise and claim victory. Note this day, people. It is the beginning of the PG Porn revolution!

  • kacidilla

    James, I promise to do my part and watch “High Poon.” And not just cause i was forced to watch “High Noon” (with Gary Cooper) in high school.

  • James – Yep!! And I’m still really bummed I had to miss Terra’s show last night :(

    Oh, by saying, “…she’s [Susan Boyle] not the world’s greatest singer…” I didn’t mean to imply I think she’s a terrible singer (if it came across that way to anyone) – just realized it could have been taken that way too!

  • So bring on HIGH POON already!

    Meanwhile, I think I’ll go watch that Susan Boyle video again! Or maybe THE CRUSADER!

  • Caryl – I think both you and I know that when you’ve heard someone like Terra Naomi sing a lot, the Susan Boyle thing is kind of ridiculous.

  • “…SOMEWHAT ABOVE AVERAGE VOICE(S)!” Thank you!!! (Not a hater of Susan Boyle at all, but come on, she’s not the world’s greatest singer… the hype is over-the-top, in my opinion.)

    Looking forward to this PG Porn episode… looks like it’s going to be a good one! Hope it breaks records!!

  • Tracy!

    I will be sure to spread this around just like I did with my herpes, so you know at least 10 people will see it. Also read your promise over there on Twitter & I hope you keep up your promise about reading those names.

  • Gogoga – That’s the great thing about PG PORN. There’s nothing dirty about it whatsoever. I’d love to see my family members in PG PORN episodes. I have seen Sean Gunn, of course, and Brian Gunn has a small role in HIGH POON.

  • Or me! lol

    My honor is being defended…sweet!

  • John Betz

    Braxto luckily you are only a year behind…:)

    Your being stupid here James. Perhaps your too blinded by rage to see the possibilties. Steven Blackehart & Susan Boyle in PG Porn’s biggest internet hit yet. Imagine what her first on screen kiss could do for the net and for you.

    Instead of battling this Scottish Troll you should reach out to her.

  • Just Greg

    Shit now my heads going to be fucked up all day with the thought of Susan Boyle going down!

  • @gogogadget cousin is barely even blood relation. you’re good.

    james i think you should somehow get oprah to promote this on twitter.

    “adult entertainment that is safe for children.”

  • Just Greg

    I have a solution gogogadgetrobyn,just pretend your from Kentucky and the cousin thing won’t bother you.I agree Susan Boyle is going down!(but not on me)

  • gogogadgetrobyn

    I feel so conflicted. On one hand, I’m really excited about this, but on the other, I’m Alan’s cousin and this feels really dirty to want to watch. Anyone have a solution here?

  • fuck james. my bad. i really gotta make sure to read updated bios on you.

  • r0gue

    Yay for Alan!

  • midorinosaru

    My Spouse says “whore” is a term of endearment, like “fucktard.”

    Yay Alan Tudyk! He’s a leaf on the wind, um…watch him with whores?

    Sorry.

  • Braxto – I do not have a wife.
    GermanGuy – I am sorry you were offended, but she has it coming.
    Sooo – In part, PG PORN: HIGH POON is defending your honor (don’t ask me how, exactly, but that’s exactly what’s occurring).

  • James can you please do a PG porn with your wife?

    And by PG, I mean D.A.P.

  • correction, I ment to put 50 up there not 40. *runs back to the dark corner*

  • I used to have a little crush on Alan Tudyk, so I’m always happy to see anything he’s in. :D umm…I’ll try really hard to help.

    I have to laugh sometimes about Susan boyle, becuase she kind of reminds me of myself, and it makes me sad a little to think that I could end up like that, then that makes me laugh. yeah backwards girl logic I know. she says she is nearly 40 unemployed but looking (me but I’m 24) lives alone with her cat(me but dog instead)she’s never been married and never been kissed….yup. ===>(Me)<=== *runs away and hides in the darkest corner*

    TAKE HER DOWN JAMES!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

  • Bitch doesn’t stand a chance against the might of Bella and Tudyk.

  • ThatGermanGuy

    While I’m totally on your side with the record thing and everything and will spread the word even more than I already usually do, I think that calling a woman a whore crosses a line. (Unless of course she really is or acts like one, which might be the possibility, since I got seriously no idea who you are talking about. So if she really is something like the scottish Paris Hilton, I apologize. If not, then consider you warned [although I doubt that this warning will be followed by any serious consequences, but you I think you get the point.])
    Anyway, bring on High Poon!



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