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The 10 Worst Remakes of All Time

The results of the new Twitter poll are in: this morning you voted on the Worst Remakes of All-Time.  Again, I defined "worst" as "greatest decline in quality from the film it’s remaking."  Here we go:

1. PSYCHO (1998) from PSYCHO (1960)

2. THE WICKER MAN (2006) from THE WICKER MAN (1973)

3. THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (2008) from THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (1951)

4. PLANET OF THE APES (2001) from PLANET OF THE APES (1968)

5. GODZILLA (1998): from GODZILLA (1954)

6. THE FOG (2005) from THE FOG (1980)

7. CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005) from WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (1971)

8. HALLOWEEN (2007) from HALLOWEEN (2008)

9. THE HAUNTING (1999) from THE HAUNTING (1963)

10. GUESS WHO (2005) from GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER (1967) (tie)

10. THE OMEN (2006) from THE OMEN (1976) (tie)

10. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003) from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2004) (tie)

HONORABLE MENTION: Death Race, The Wiz, Last House on the Left, Rollerball, The Ladykillers, The Women, The Truth About Charlie. (For the record, my own remake, Dawn of the Dead, received at least one sincere vote).

It’s important to note that this is not MY list, it’s merely the results of the voting.  Many of the movies on this list I haven’t seen (the WICKER MAN and most of PSYCHO among them).  There are a lot of things I like about Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN, and a few things I like about THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake, so I wouldn’t put them on the list.  I think CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY is shitty, and the original movie was great, but I’m still not sure I think it’s bad enough to make this list.  I do think the other Tim Burton film here, however, PLANET  OF THE APES, deserves it’s place on the list, as it’s a truly terrible movie from a semi-classic original. And I think GODZILLA is utter tripe (although the original isn’t as good as APES) – but I can’t fully and fairly dismiss it because I walked out of the theater before it was halfway through.

Here are five movies I wish had made this list:

1. GREYSTOKE, THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES (1984) from TARZAN: THE APE MAN (1932)

As a child, I was a big TARZAN fan.  I went to see this movie, which was my first experience of a cinematic Hot Carl.

2. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! (2000) from HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (1966)

I don’t think it’s really fair to put this movie on this list, considering it’s a remake of a TV special, not a film — but, what the hell — the original Grinch was one of the most important works of my childhood; the resultant film, however, is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

3. SABRINA (1995) from SABRINA (1954)

I’m a huge Billy Wilder fan. I don’t think SABRINA was one of his most successful works, but this insipid remake was a travesty.

4. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (2004) from THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)

This movie was a lot less despised than I think it deserved: it was a boring, illogical mess, and the original is a classic.

5. THE LONGEST YARD (2005) from THE LONGEST YARD (1974)

And, believe it or not, I like almost every single Adam Sandler movie.  This one’s unbearable, and doesn’t help itself out with a major role by Chris Rock, a very funny comedian who unfortunately is the acting version of a Cleavland Steamer. The original, however, is one of my favorite sports films.

 

MEANWHILE,

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