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Poll Results: The 20 Worst Songs of All Time

First you nominated a hundred or so songs, and then you voted on your least favorites from that list.  These are the results of hundreds of votes here at JamesGunn.com, on Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace.  According to you, these are THE 20 WORST FUCKING SONGS OF ALL TIME:

 

1. Barbie Girl – Aqua

The clear winner. I’ll be honest – I had never heard this song before yesterday (I’m not a big mainstream pop radio guy).  That said, I’ll agree it’s awful.  And I’m extremely happy Amy Adams went on to an acting career – she’s much better at that.

 

2. Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus

No surprises here: The mulleted one battled it out all day with Toby Keith, and ended out on top.

 

3. Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American) – Toby Keith

What are you people?  A bunch of bleeding heart commies?!  The fact that you voted this song so high means you support terrorism.  You really ought to look at that.

 

4. My Humps – The Black Eyed Peas

 

5. Fergalicious – Fergie

Fergie pulls off a ground rule double with the number 4 AND 5 slots.  BTW, for my money, Fergalicious is light years worse than My Humps.

 

6. Who Let the Dogs Out – Baha Men

Weird. I just learned this song has a verse – and, holy shit, it makes the song even worse!

 

7. We Built This City – Starship 

Probably called "the Worst Song of All Time" more than any other, including topping Blender’s list a couple of years ago.  It’s probably my second least favorite on this list.

 

8. Higher – Creed 

Boy, people really hate Creed – they’re the only artist besides Fergie to make this list twice!  Sure, I hate this completely hypocritical phony cheese-rock, but the 8th-worst-song-ever? I’m not so sure.

 

9. Christmas Shoes – New Song 

Another song I had never heard before. Thank you for turning me onto it. And thank you in advance for turning me onto being anally raped with a weed-whacker too.

 

10. The Superbowl Shuffle – The Chicago Bears Shufflin’ Crew

This was my own nomination, and my least favorite song on this list.  I think its hit status had a especially bitter sting to those of us who were non-sports playing musically-inclined geeks.  What, these dumb pieces of shit are having hit songs on top of everything else?  And people are stupid enough to love it?  Fuck all of you.  Most of you know what I’m talking about.

 

11. Photograph – Nickelback

Nickelback: you poor, poor cunts.

 

12. Butterfly – Crazy Town

I was honestly hoping that this song wasn’t going to make it, because I’ve watched Seth Binzer on Celebrity Rehab and think, Jesus, doesn’t that motherfucker have enough problems without Googling himself and finding this shit?  Sorry, dude. Maybe if you weren’t on crack it wouldn’t have sucked so bad. Also, on the bright side of things, you aren’t nearly as grating in this video as that dude in the D.A.R.E. T-shirt who sings the chorus.  You’re honestly all like Seacrest next to his Dunkleman. I totally, totally, totally wish that dude were dying of a crack and heroin addiction instead of you.

 

13. Disco Duck – Rick Dees

Oh dear Lord in heaven. This song deserves to be a couple places higher for Dees’ introduction at the beginning of this video alone.  Not to mention that he’s using a "duck voice" that is only a duck voice because it’s a bad Donald Duck imitation.  On the other hand, at least it’s a song everyone can relate to about turning into a disco duck.

 

14. Cotton Eye Joe – Rednex

Ha ha ha!  Another song I had never heard of. I like how he’s basically rapping "Turkey in the Straw." And then it was a hit.

 

15. Lady in Red – Chris de Burgh

Maybe I’m just getting slap-happy from posting all these awful videos, but I found this one about the funniest yet.  There’s just something a little donkey-kicked-him-in-the-head about this guy.  I despised this song as a kid (and "Don’t Pay the Ferryman"), but I was surprised so many folks remembered it and hated it too.

 

16. PopoZao – K-Fed

I take it back. This one’s the funniest, just for K-Fed’s bliss at his own great work. And it made this list despite me misspelling the title in the nominations. K-Fed would probably FLIP if he found that out. He’s fucking hardcore about spelling.

 

17. With Arms Wide Open – Creed

 

18. American Pie – Madonna

What’s worse than a classic bad song? A really, REALLY terrible interpretation of a classic bad song.

 

19. Crank Dat – Soulja Boy

I don’t want to see anyone brutally raped and murdered. That would be just awful.  But if I was FORCED into choosing one person to be brutally raped and murdered, I might have to go with Soulja Boy. No, wait, Perry King. Then Soulja Boy second. I wish I had three.

 

20. Rico Suave – Gerardo

 

This choice bums me out a little, because I was about to adopt a sort of Gerardo-look as my own. Be honest with me: the song sucks, but the look is rad, right?  Right?  You can tell me the truth. But keep in mind I already bought a bunch of headkerchiefs and extensions.  I mean, don’t let that affect your opinion. But it’s going to be a waste of money if I turn back now. Just saying.

 

The RUNNERS UP :

Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band, Cherry Pie – Warrant, The Final Countdown – Europe, Hangin’ Tough – The New Kids on the Block, Heartbeat – Don Johnson, I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston, Jenny from the Block – J-Lo, Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong – The Spin Doctors, Party All the Time – Eddie Murphy, Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks, Thong Song – Sisqo, Tub Thumping – Chumbawamba, What’s Up – 4 Non-Blondes.

As for what I THINK belonged in the top 20 but didn’t make it, well, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow.  But I promise you that my list is way fucking worse than this.

For all of you who voted and nominated songs – thanks for playing!

Until next time,

James

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© 2009, James Gunn. All rights reserved.

Category: LISTS, Uncategorized

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  • Caryl – I haven’t seen Enchanted, I’m just going off of what I’ve seen of her in The Office, Doubt, etc. But now that I watch the video again, she kind of looks a little like Kimmy Gibbler from Full House, haha.

    Heidi – I fully agree. Gob (Will Arnett) revived TFC.

    KevWeldon – You’re my hero for posting that image.

  • thecraiger

    I guess the “novelty song”, which is SUPPOSED to be bad/stupid was allowed on the list (but poor BizMarkie was passed over for some reason). I also would have some believable minimum number of copies sold, which eliminates Kfed, Newsong, etc. And including any rap isn’t fair, because all true rap is embarrasingly bad. Sorry folks, I’m over thinking this. These lists are always entertaining.

  • A Part of me feels like I should be afraid for all this love for Ice Ice Baby…

  • KevWeldon

    [img]http://www.timproffitt.com/Humor/stop-collaborate-and-listen.jpg[/img]

  • “Yo like stop…collaberate and listen…” Ice Ice Baby rulez! But I definitely agree the Mmmm Bop! could easily be on that list… Fuckin’ Hansen.

  • A licky boom boom down?

    As for Ice Ice Baby, how did that interview go when they asked him the differences between that and Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie? “There song goes like ‘ding ding ding da da ding ding.’ Ours goes ‘ding ding ding da da ding ding TING!’ See that itty, bitty, little, ting; it’s not the same thing!” Though I’ll admit because of that interview I learned super ghetto beatboxing.

  • dude, ice ice baby and informer are the shit! haha!

  • RedRocket7

    Wait, wait. We live in the generation of MTV not playing anything remotely resembling music and this is the best that can be made?!

    No Spice Girls with “If you wanna be my lover?” C’mon!

    Hanson, “mmm-bop.”

    Lou Bega with “Mambo no. 5.”

    ICE ICE BABY?!

    I Can go on here! As BAD as some of those song are on the list there are awhole lot worse. Listen to friggin Lou Bega or Snow (“informer”) and tell me there is a God! Really listen and TELL ME WHERE YOUR GOD IS?!

  • ok duh, i can’t send embedded messages.. so go to youtube and look up Losing You, by Jan Terri then Elektronik Supersonik, by Jlad and Want to Love You Tender, by Armi & Danny… in no specific order. i can’t decide which is worse between them… except want to love you tender has some sweet dancers in their video!

  • how did these not make list?! i wish i would have known about this poll… i can’t keep up!

  • I just turned on the old TV during lunch. And I have another late “nomination”:
    That FUCKING FUCKING SONG at the beginning of Enterprise. Oh. My. God.

  • “We Built This City”= the worst fucking song EVER. I can’t believe “The Final Countdown” made the runner-up list… Arrested Development’s Job Bluth made that song awesome.

  • npettz – Really?!? Reese Witherspoon has much lighter hair and a pointy chin- the jawline of a heart shaped face. Both Lene and Amy have similar squarish jaws and basically the same color hair. If you compare their looks from the Barbie Girl video and the movie Enchanted, I think they look a lot alike and probably act alike too. But, what do I know?! I’m the questionable one who likes the song Barbie Girl – and probably reads way more into it than it’s meant to be, lol!

  • Caryl – That’s what I thought, but I don’t see it. I see Reese Witherspoon more than Amy Adams.

  • I can’t believe the Macarena song didn’t win (or lose, depending on your perspective) let alone make the list.

  • Nickleback’s “Photograph,” is a song about a moronic redneck trying to act all sensitive so that he can bang moronic redneck chicks.

  • KevWeldon

    I’m wondering did the votes for Christmas Shoes come from Patton Oswalt fans? Cos his routine about that song’s the only reason I know it exists. Of course I don’t live in the US, so there’s that too.

  • How in the world did McArthur Park not make the list. I guess it’s just too old for most of your readers. BTW, have you ever heard an extremely tacky little right-wing number from 1971 called Goodbye Sam by Shad O’Shea? I’m surprised it didn’t make the nominations list, or Patches by Dickey Lee.

  • npettz – Maybe James thinks Lene is similar to Amy Adams in looks and character demeanor?!?

    After watching the Barbie Girl video again, I take back my comment that the video kind of ruins the song. I actually think it’s pretty well made – funny too. It’s just that hearing the song numerous times, before ever seeing the video, I didn’t picture a literal Barbie world. I pictured real life scenarios, from my interpretation of the song.

    And, yes, she sings in that voice in a lot of other songs – but, not quite as animated or accelerated in sound (like increasing record rpms; mousy). It’s just a style. There are some other songs by Aqua where she sings in a more typical range, sounding a lot less unconventional.

  • Nostra

    I just watch all the song and now my ears bleed, thx :D!!

  • K. I screwed that. Last try for my funny, funny joke:[img]http://www.bjschwartz.com/Rosenbaum.jpg[/img]

  • Good list, I’m in agreement with most of these and my #1 pick ended up as #3 so I’ve gotta be happy with that! :)
    I’m just glad Oingo Boingo didn’t make the list or runners up. <3

  • <img src=”http://www.bjschwartz.com/Rosenbaum.jpg”

  • I’m just saying ….

  • James – I didn’t really get your comment about Amy Adams for “Barbie Girl”. Unless it was a joke? I still don’t get it, haha.

    Also, how have you not heard that song?! Same with “Cotton-Eyed Joe”?

  • Oops! *worst

  • haha! I can’t believe Barbie Girl made #1… or maybe I can. The first time I heard that song my Daughter was playing it. I asked her WTH she was listening to, and she made me listen to it from start to finish. I thought it was great! Funny commentary on plastic bimbos, their delusions and the type of guys they attract; with only shallow interests. As for the voice, how else would a tiny plastic doll (or bimbo) sound?! I have to admit, the video kind of ruins the song – as do many of these videos. Sometimes w/o the imposed images, the songs take on a different feel or meaning. Anyway… I have to agree with a lot of these songs as being amongst the worse ever! Glad to see my nomination made it up there! Whoo hoo! ;)

  • PootieTang

    I am shocked that neither Karma Chameleon by Culture Club or Wake Me Up by Wham even got nominated (or is Wham Rap the same thing? not sure). And I never realized that Amy Adams fronted Aqua, like her but that song is truly horrible. After recently staying across from The Fashion Show Mall in Vegas and hearing that annoying f**%%^# Ipod Nano commercial on loop 200 times a day I would’ve nominated Bruises by Chairlift.

  • James-that is a definite point in the favor of the atrocity of the song. I agree with your assessment of I Will Always Love You getting pushed off the list, frankly, as much as I do not care for the song, it’s just way to easy of a choice.

    Oh, and thanks for the Rico Suave explanation. That makes sense.

    And all the people who voted for Party All the Time? Why do you America and Fun?! ;)

  • I love the judges ruling when Mattel tried to sue Aqua over Barbie Girl:
    (from CNN)
    “Noting the often bitter tone taken by companies in this five-year legal battle, Kozinski ordered both sides to behave. “The parties are advised to chill,” he said in his ruling. “

  • Is that Rosenbaum in the Barbie Girl video?

  • Where is Macarena? Or how about that awful song Patrick Swayze sang in Dirty Dancing? I doubt there is a video and while the movie is great, “Storybook Love” from The Princess Bride is atrocious. I’d toss in “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” from The Lion King because it seemed as if they had to keep adding words to fill out the bars of music.

  • Pingback: Links Of The Day « The Music Court()

  • Also Thom – The fact that Christmas Shoes, a fairly unknown song in comparison to most of the others, received such an incredible amount of votes, is a true testament to its atrocity.

  • Thom – When I first putting together the list, and was tabulating votes, Rico Suave wasn’t in the top 20. However, as I was writing it it received more votes and made it in.
    Originally, #20 was I Will Always Love You, which I was glad to see get overtaken as I don’t believe it deserved to be there over some of these other fine songs. That said, I don’t really think Creed deserves to be up there. Bombastic and hypocritical and self-serving? Yes. But they just don’t seem as awful as the others. Then again, there were songs in the runners-up I actually LIKE.

  • opsin

    I concur wholeheartedly.
    I’d completely forgotten about some of those, avoiding mainstream radio and such as avidly as I do, but Creed and Nickelback in particular definitely merit the list. That and that fucking Cotton Eye Joe song. Jesus, that was a nasty year!

  • merry81

    Anyone living in Dallas in late 1997 will surely remember the radio DJ that lost her job for playing ‘Barbie Girl’ over and over for more than an hour. I guess “I quit” just wasn’t her style.

  • Glad to see Cyrus gets a rightful place in the top 5.

    Surprised that that Whoop! There it is! atrocity was not mentioned.

  • Oh yeah…how can people hate a Christmas song about a pair of Christmas Shoes?! Heartless fucking bastards. I am not sure that is even Newsong’s worst song…they came out of Christian music…

  • How does Rico Suave make both the top 20 AND the runner ups? I mean, that should make it possibly the worst song ever…none of the other songs pulled that off.

    And I seriously think you could totally rock that look. Don’t return that handkerchief yet.



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