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The 16 Rules of Fight Club

So a few weeks ago, Rainn Wilson posted a new “First Rule of Fight Club” on Twitter. I thought this was funny, so I retweeted it, and started obsessively writing additional rules. From there, other folks added their own rules, including Pete Alton, @Brandon007, @EdouardBond, and @tollishtwit. Although this has been reposted in other places, I thought I’d finally post the original sixteen rules here.

1st Rule of Fight Club? Don’t talk about ‘potpourri’.

2nd Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put a cigarette in your penis and pretend like it’s smoking.

3rd Rule of Fight Club: Always know where Fight Club is held, so you don’t need to stop and ask for directions to Fight Club.

4th Rule of Fight Club: The safe word is “Bernadette Peters.”

5th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put peanuts in any of the pot luck items. Sal is deathly allergic.

6th Rule of Fight Club: Turn off your cell phone.

7th Rule of Fight Club: No one wearing any Ed Hardy apparel will be allowed to enter Fight Club.

8th Rule of Fight Club: You have to admit, it’s still fucking hilarious when Philip does jazz hands in the middle of a fight.

9th Rule of Fight Club: No, the Lord’s Prayer at the end of Fight Club is not necessary, but please be respectful of others who pray during this time.

10th Rule of Fight Club: Just wearing a Ramones T-shirt doesn’t make you hip.

11th Rule of Fight Club: Anyone sending me a Facebook invitation to play Farmville will be immediately ejected from Fight Club.

12th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t flush the paper towels. We’ve had a lot of plumbing problems from idiots doing this.

13th Rule of Fight Club: No air saxophone in Fight Club.

14th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t do a “retarded voice” in Fight Club. It may be funny to you, but Kenny’s brother has Down syndrome and he’s, understandably, sensitive.

15th Rule of Fight Club: This is supposed to be fun! Smile, you guys!

16th Rule of Fight Club: IN FIGHT CLUB, THERE ARE NO RULES (besides the preceding 15 rules. Especially that retarded thing: seriously not cool.)

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