Dec 19, 2012
I rung in the New Year in Palm Springs.
I went to a LOT of theme parties.
To Catch a Predator.
1920’s (which was a total flop as I went as Cabinet of Dr. Caligari dude and everyone thought I was a mime.)
Early in the year I woke up to a bull testicle left on my front porch.
It was a truly thoughtful gift from this charming fellow.
In February I heard what I thought was a baby crying in the bushes across the street. Instead, it was this fucking thing.
I decided to take her in and foster her and find her a home.
Despite being only eight months old, she ended up being pregnant. For her own health, and because over 70,000 puppies and kittens are born in the U.S. every day (most of them unwanted – only 10,000 humans are born here every day), I decided to terminate the pregnancy. She quickly sprung back to life, creating lots of mischief.
And ended up staying in my home – if not a pet, at least a permanent roommate – getting pudgy
And finding a very best frenemy.
In 2012 there were a lot of firsts for me. Including my first Monster Truck rally.
My first visit to Disney’s secret club, Club 33.
My first foursome in Club 33.
My first time getting trapped inside of Space Mountain.
I went zip-lining for the first time.
Got my first muscle car.
Signed my first breast.
And Von Spears got to experience his very first snow, which he loved (brought by a truck into the park near our house).
I had my first video game come out.
It was an incredibly fun experience from start to finish.
We had our own bus that went from town to town.
And Warner Bros’ biggest signing ever, which wrapped around the block.
I was able to make the game with a lot of great old friends.
And made some new ones along the way.
This year I acted in Michael Rooker’s directorial debut.
As well as a movie called The Pandora Experiment – which as you can see was a hellishly difficult shoot.
And also shot roles on Breaking In and Holliston.
I appeared on Attack of the Show four times. I’ll miss it greatly.
I went to Magic Mountain with Michael Rosenbaum to celebrate the opening of the Lex Luthor ride.
Where those of us without dignity got balloon hats.
I visited Asbury Park New Jersey with Ti West to celebrate Tromadance.
I visited my brother’s family in New York, and while having a late night conversation with him on his porch, it got me thinking about what I wanted to do with the next step of my life.
The next day, in Central Park, I spotted a raccoon. A sign of things to come?
I went to some premieres.
Checked out E3.
A true highlight of my year was spending Fourth of July with Glenn Campbell, watching him sing songs around the campfire.
Had a great time at BenDavid and Amanda’s wedding.
Played a lot of Mafia, with a lot of arguments in the aftermath.
Spent a lot of time unloading all my troubles onto this dude.
Went to a few Men’s Night Dinners at Taylor’s Steakhouse.
A couple Masters of Horror dinners.
A lot of birthdays.
A lot of parties in the Yarvo/Sparkle/George backyard.
And I had more amazing meals than I could count.
I watched some great TV shows.
And played some dumb video games.
I smoked a lot of cigars.
With a lot of cool people.
Some of the best times I had this year were in Vegas.
Most of which cannot be pictured.
This summer, on the Adam Carolla Podcast, I discussed a news story about a model who tweeted about a married actor coming onto her on a plane. Adam thought what she did was wrong. I defended her.
I followed her on Twitter. She followed me back. She flirted with me over DM (making sure I wasn’t married). And, next thing you knew, I had a girlfriend.
I took a lot of photos of her.
Smoked a lot of cigars with her.
And watched her on TV.
But Melissa wasn’t the only new friend I made this year. There was also Kitler.
And Griffin Newman.
And Bagel, whose mother was eaten by coyotes.
And this baby squirrel who my assistant and I put in rehab.
As well as a goat.
And some lizards.
Luckily, my best pal doesn’t get too jealous.
I went to North Carolina, where I pitched my directorial take on Guardians of the Galaxy to the heads of Marvel Studios.
They must have liked it, because I suddenly had my dream job – all the things I love in one – Marvel comics, space operas, and raccoons.
I had an office at Marvel studios.
And started writing, directing, and casting the film (these particular actors probably won’t make the cut).
I got some cool art this year.
Including this cool piece my ex-wife got me in a thrift shop in the middle of nowhere.
I found this letter on the streets of Koreatown.
I visited Santa Barbara.
Went to the zoo there.
And was talked into this.
I also went to Yosemite.
Where we found a huge-ass pine cone.
As well as an abandoned mine.
I spent quite a few hours in therapy.
Celebrated Halloween as Howard and Beth Stern.
And never forgot for a moment that the most important thing in my life are the people (and other living beings) around me. And these people include all of you reading this right now.
Happy New Year.
May your 2013 be rich and warm and full of love.
© 2012, James Gunn. All rights reserved.