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Here's some video from the CUT! Film Festival in LA. back in March. It's courtesy of the gorgeous Thomas Cunningham (AKA Tommy the Zombie Slayer). The festival was a blast, and it was wonderful seeing the movie with Rooker, Nathan Fillion, and Gregg Henry. We made the movie two years ago as co-workers and, now, two years later, we got to sit in a theater and watch it together as good friends. What made the screening even more fun was sitting in an audience with people I have known from MySpace who traveled from all over the country to be there! Thanks to all of you guys for coming.
I also like these videos because you guys can all see for yourselves how crazy Michael Rooker actually is. I'm not just fucking around when I tell crazy Rooker stories here in this blog -- he really is that fucking nuts!
At the beginning of the Q&A I'm finishing a story I had started earlier about Rooker.
Essentially, the beginning of the story is this...
My brothers, my friends, and I hang out a lot on Sundays, which includes Rooker. One Sunday night he stepped onto my brother's porch. He saw a few of us through the window, and tried to scare us by slamming on the window and screaming like a maniac. (It didn't work -- we recognized a Rooker mating call). As he turned away from the window and walked toward the front door, he felt a fine mist falling over him -- almost like one of those spray machines in line at an amusement park. He looked down to see a little black creature cornered on the porch, trying to get away from him. And then the ungodly smell hit him, and he realized he had just been skunked...
THANKS to all the CUT folks -- the Lindas and everyone else -- for a remarkably fun time. One of my favorite screenings ever, with JGASSERS from all over. You too can join JGAS (where I answer questions almost daily) at www.jgas.org.
And then I have one more video for you. This one is from a year ago when I was serving as a judge at the Brussels International Film Festival, and my old boss from Troma, Lloyd Kaufman, had his film POULTRYGEIST showing at the fest. It's courtesy of Kaspar Karloff and Heavy Methane. I was just sent it, but I think it's great to show, considering POULTRYGEIST is having it's Los Angeles Premiere at Laemmle's Sunset 5 on June 13th. I am going to TRY and be there. I've already seen the movie three times, it's a beautiful thing, and you guys should all check it out.
Be good,
James
So it's late Thursday night, and I haven't written a blog in a long time...
It might be a little unwise to get behind the blog wheel at this present time - although I'm not drunk, I'm deliriously tired, as I've slept perhaps a total of 12 hours since Sunday morning.
Why? Because I've been working my ass off writing PETS, prepping one of my web series, and dealing with the ludicrous dramas of my personal life...
But fuck it.
I have some shit to show you.
Like this rad BRATISLAVAN RAP VIDEO...
I fucking love it. Fuck those Bulgarian rappers for rawking my world so completely.
I also want to show you this awes video by MURAKAMI...
Poor Inochi made a complete mistake by looking in that girl's locker room! Now she'll never like him. Also, he looks just like me in grade school, only from the inside-out! (Thanks for the video, Bill Pardy's Doppelganger.)
And I want to show you this piece of art by SCOTT MUSGROVE I just bought...
It's called Lepus Perilous, and it's currently part of Scott Musgrove's fantastic show at the Billy Shire Fine Arts Gallery here in Los Angeles. It's up for the rest of this month, so go check it out! Here are a few more from the show...
Find out more about the show at the Billy Shire Fine Arts web site (http://www.billyshirefinearts.com/).
Or see more of Scott's work on his MySpace Page (http://www.myspace.com/scottmusgrove).
But mostly I want to tell you this fucked up DEAD SQUIRREL STORY.
So I'm in my house a few days ago, and I happen to look out the window. I see something in the middle of the street outside, and I pray it's a big piece of bark. So I walk outside and take a closer look.
But it's not a piece of bark, it's a dead squirrel. It looks like he's been hit by a car mid-run. He's still in the running position with his eyes open, and a little bit of an expression that says, "Holy Jesus, I think I'm kind of fucked here." He's just starting to get it.
Admittedly, I might be reading a little into his expression, as normally I belive squirrels only have four expressions:
1. Fuck, I don't have a nut.
2. Hm, I think that's a fucking nut over there!
3. No, that's not a nut. It's a little piece of bark. Shit.
4. MMM, this nut is fucking delicious!
I think this dude's expression was probably number 3. That's the best way he could react to getting hit by a car. This is because God invented squirrels before modern times, he didn't think to put car-oriented expressions into their bag of tricks.
But I'm getting way off track (tired, remember?)
So I see the dead squirrel and I'm not happy it's so close to my house. See, I hate small, dead things. Don't ask me why. I hate dead mice and dead birds and dead rats and dead squirrels - they freak me out. Something bigger - like a dead possum or a dead pig - really doesn't freak me out quite so much. (A dead child, which is also bigger, actually WOULD freak me out a bit - but perhaps that's just because I've known a lot of children personally.)
Anyway, I think, "Well, the street cleaner will be here tomorrow, so no big whup, I'll just leave it here."
And I did.
A couple of hours later I'm on the second floor of my house, talking on the phone to my friend Stevie Blackehart, who was admitting to me that he can only masturbate while thinking of fucking men while strangling them to death (well, not really, but I'm doing what I can to spice up this story). I glance out my window and I see some freaky, swarthy dude with a little mustache using a stick to push the squirrel onto a piece of what looks like brown butcher's wrap. Also, the dude is parked in my driveway and he has a friend in his front seat who is only a silhouette.
I can't figure out what this dude could possibly want with a dead squirrel. I always thought those Road-Kill-Diary cookbooks were just a joke. I hear giggling coming from downstairs - it's my assistant Tara, who is watching the same scene from the first floor.
"What's that guy doing?" I say to Tara.
"I don't know!" she says. "Who are you talking to about fucking men while strangling them?"
"Nobody," I say. Then I lean over the bannister and mouth "Stevie."
"Ohhhh," she says.
(Okay, again, that dialogue isn't exact - but this next part IS -- )
Then the freaky, swarthy dude carries the dead squirrel on the piece of butcher's paper towards my house. He's carrying it very gently, as if it's his dead lover. Then the motherfucker sets it down on my lawn. He kneels beside it. And then, God knows why, he fucking uses his bare hand to arrange it on the paper, as if the frozen running position with the "that isn't a nut" expression was more aesthetically pleasing horizontally than vertically. NOTE: The dude used his hand to do this when he was touching it with a stick just a moment before. He also looks melancholy while he arranges his body - again, like he knew this squirrel personally.
And then the dude LEAVES THE DEAD SQUIRREL ON MY LAWN and gets back into his car!
Tara continues laughing downstairs. She just thinks this whole thing is delightful.
I run downstairs as fast as I can and out the front door. The dude is backing out of my driveway. Luckily, his window is open so I can yell at him through it.
All of this dialogue is completely real -
"Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!" I've never used the word 'yo' in a confrontational context before, but it somehow seems appropriate. "What are you doing?!"
The dude gets out of his car and he looks at me with his freaky, swarthy, Comedia dell' Arte sad clown face, and he says, as if he's about to burst into tears, "Someone has killed a wild animal!"
Now I'm pretty good with placing accents - but this dude has some weird fucking accent that I don't think even exists, like he's Balki's brother from PERFECT STRANGERS. It's a mix of Easter European, Mexican, and E.T.
I respond: "What the fuck are you putting it on my lawn for?!"
Again, about to cry, weird accent, "Someone has killed him in the street!"
"So leave him there! Why did you carry him off the street and put him on my lawn!?"
The guy makes a sad, wailing sound: "Ohhhhhhh!"
"The street cleaner's going to come tomorrow!" I say (I actually have no idea what day the street cleaner comes). "Get him off my lawn and back on the street!"
The guy wretchedly nods, making another whiny sound, as he gets into his car.
"Where are you going?! Dude! I got your license plate number!"
He nods as he starts backing out of my driveway. I hear giggling. I look back at my front porch. Tara is there, gleeful, loving this whole interaction.
"Do you have his license plate number?!" I say to her.
"SAF 569!" she says, as she laughs.
A moment of sobriety passes over me, as I wonder what the hell I'm going to say if I do call the cops: "A dude lovingly arranged a squirrel vertically on my lawn! Arrest him!"? I don't think that would work. And now I'm seriously panicking because I really don't want a small, dead thing on my lawn. I honestly won't be able to sleep knowing it's out there. I CAN'T touch it, because it freaks me out. So I'd have to have Tara do it, which seems to cross-the-line when it comes to a personal assistant's duties, or I'd have to emasculate myself by asking Stevie or my ex-wife to come over and do it for me. So I resort to one of my older techniques that I've found to be remarkably effective in these situations: physical violence.
"Dude!" I yell. "I'm going to pull you out of that fucking car if you don't get out and move that thing now!"
In truth, I am quite a bit bigger than this dude and probably could pull him out of the car, but I was also rather foolishly discounting his unspeaking silhouette friend in the front seat. I'm not even sure he's a human being, he might be a shadow person or a golem or something. I think in my disorientation I was somehow thinking Tara had my back, but she's so tiny she couldn't take a human, much less the other, more frightening options.
Then the dude says, "No, I am just backing out my car so I am not in your driveway."
"Oh," I say, kind of calming down. "Dude, you can stay parked in my driveway."
I turn around and look at Tara again. She's still laughing hysterically, only now I'm sort of wondering if she's laughing at me.
So swarthy backs out and parks along the curb. He gets out of the car and walks over to the dead squirrel on the piece of paper. Again, he picks it up, cradling it gently with both hands.
And he just stands there for a moment, looking around, pathetically, like he doesn't know what to do with the thing.
I go back inside to watch the rest from the window, because I'm becoming uncomfortable. Tara stays on the front porch, openly laughing. She really doesn't seem to give a shit that she's essentially laughing right in this guy's face. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with her.
And this is the whole reason I'm telling the story, because what he does next defies logic, and makes this whole story fall into the category of what-the-fuck-even-is-this-fucking-story stories.
But the dude walks over to his car. And he arranges the squirrel on his windshield.
And then he lifts up his windshield wiper. And he clamps it down onto the dead squirrel so that it's firmly in place.
Now Tara is screaming as she laughs: "Oh my God! What is he doing!? Oh my God!!" Then the dude gets into his car.
And off he goes, down my street, a dead squirrel securely clamped to his windshield for all to see, including all the kids playing soccer there in the park.
Yep. I'm not kidding.
I'll post a blog soon with videos from the CUT film festival.
Until then, go fuck yourselves.
James
HUMANZEES
Let me tell you something about my friend Stevie Blackehart. When Stevie was young, being raised by nuns in Hell's Kitchen, he would get in trouble very often. This meant countless hours of detention in the school library. So how did Stevie amuse himself? He would read the encyclopedias. A to Z, cover to cover, the World Book, the Britannica, etc, over and over. You would think this would make Stevie an especially interesting individual, full of fun facts about our world which he could throw into a conversation at any time.
You would be wrong. Instead, although he is my best friend, Stevie is extremely boring. Usually he's like sitting next to a monotone cassette recording of the World Book encyclopedia, droning on and on about something you could give two shits about - like, say, how a fucking air-conditioner works.
So this Friday while we were doing a photo shoot for Femme Fatales (having to do with our secret project), Stevie surprised me - surprised us all, really -when he brought up the subject of Oliver the Humanzee. For the first time in our ten-year friendship, Stevie was actually interesting. The whole gang hung on his every word as he told us all about Oliver, a very human-like Chimpanzee who for years was believed to be a half-human/half-chimp hybrid. Oliver walked upright like a human being, with his knees forward. He had very little hair. He was able to understand complex instructions. He was only sexually attracted to human females (Oliver once bent over and raped his female owner - and she wasn't even good-looking!) It was no coincidence Stevie was telling us about Oliver on Easter weekend, as in my mind Oliver was quickly overtaking Jesus as the greatest being to ever walk planet earth.
Anyway, here's a little video about Oliver so you can take in the awesomeness yourselves:
As DNA evidence later proved, Oliver wasn't really a human/chimp hybrid, just a chimp that is very very much like a human being (an evolutionary leap, perhaps?), and who also RAWKED to a very great degree.
HOWEVER, Stevie went into great detail about how it actually WAS feasible to have such a hybrid, as human sperm could fertilize a chimp egg or vice versa. He talked about a Russian scientist who did all sorts of breeding experiments between humans and apes, although he lost his government funding before any of them came to fruition (Communist pussies). Stevie also told us about a secret team of scientists in Florida in the 1920's who were rumored to have actually delivered a human-chimp baby. Supposedly, the thing was so awful they had to destroy it. I don't know how they destroyed it, but I like to imagine that they smashed it with a rock, as that would be more dramatic.
That night I went out with my friends Michael Rosenbaum, Pete Alton, and Chris MacDonald. Of course, we talked about nothing else but humanzees. I told them how I was on the fence about actually having children, but if I could have a humanzee son I would do it in a second. We all agreed it would be super cool if we each had a humanzee son who could hang out with us. They would be the perfect compatriots - we could give them lots of love and teach them how to do complex tasks. But we could also put them in a cage in the backseat when we were bored with them. Maybe we'd cut up an apple and put it in there for them to eat.
While we were driving from party to club to party we would watch the Oliver YouTube videos on Rosenbaum's iPhone. I knew this wasn't the safest thing, watching videos while I was driving on the 405 Freeway on a Friday at midnight surrounded by drunks. But I also knew if we died in a fiery crash, my friends and family would understand if they knew we were watching humanzee videos, because humanzees are super-interesting.
While we were hanging out at a hip club in Hollywood, I looked at my friend Pete. Pete's a great friend, and I really love him, but I realized in that moment I would be a lot happier if he was a humanzee.
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It would be really incredible if it was me and Rosey and Chris hanging out with a humanzee instead of Pete. It would be especially cool if the humanzee was wearing cool clothing - maybe he'd get a little suit custom made wherever midgets get their suits made. The humanzee most likely wouldn't have a lot of money, as humanzees are probably ridiculously stupid - whatever money they did make they'd spend on candy and glittery objects and human women who would overcome their disgust at having sex with them for large amounts of cash. But, I swear to God, I'd GIVE the little fucker the money to buy the custom-made humanzee suit. What would be better than that? First of all, EVERYTHING the humanzee would do would be interesting. Even something boring, like drinking a martini or smoking a clove cigarette would be neat to see a humanzee do. Secondly, he'd be great in a bar fight. Chimpanzees have EIGHT TIMES the strength of human beings. That means a humanzee has FOUR TIMES the strength of a human being. But he'd be tiny, so it wouldn't be expected. Thirdly, I think we'd get a lot of attention with a humanzee. Girls would definitely want their pictures taken with him, and I'm pretty sure they'd be amazed at the rapport I had with the humanzee. I'd be like the hunky jock who's really nice to his retarded little brother. That's a pretty attractive feature in a guy.
I don't even know what a real humanzee would look like. But it would probably be pretty cool and also would creep you out.
As I sat there in the club, I realized I've made so many of my dreams in life come true - I've written and directed movies, I've made a lot of money, I've had sex with beautiful women - that I am now fantasizing about really strange things, like having a humanzee as a best friend.
So be it. At the very least, he'd never, ever, ever blather on about how a fucking air-conditioner works. A humanzee would not have the slightest idea. He'd just be like, "Wow, when I flick this button I'm not so hot anymore. It's magic!"
Actually, in that respect, I guess I am kind of like a humanzee.
THE CUT! FILM FESTIVAL THIS WEEKEND! - NEW SUPER-SPECIAL GUEST!
Speaking of humanzees, Michael Rooker is one of the many fine guests on at this Sunday's CUT! film festival SLiTHER screening and panel at the New Beverly in Los Angeles.
Michael Rooker and fellow humanzee Nick Holmes fighting for a piece of fruit, chuman-style.
In addition to the announced guests - myself, Rooker, Gregg Henry (who's been amazing on THE RICHES), composer Tyler Bates, and FX maestro Todd Masters - I'm pleased to announce a new SPECIAL SURPRISE GUEST to our panel - MR. NATHAN FILLION.
That's right, Browncoats. Those of you in the L.A. area can now proceed to have a Whedongasm. Ol' Nate will be joining us on the panel, perhaps sharing with us tales of how he's into a good Furry orgy now and again.
Honestly, it's going to be a lot of fun. It'll be awesome seeing the movie in a theater (which is the very best way to experience SLiTHER) and having the whole gang together once more.
The SLiTHER screening is at 4 pm this Sunday, March 30 at the New Beverly Cinema, 7165 West Beverly Blvd. (One block East of La Brea), Los Angeles, CA. You can find more information about tickets, etc, at the CUT website -- http://www.cut2008.net/
Come up and introduce yourself. I don't bite.
Go fuck yourselves, James
Cheap Trick
I recently read the book SHAKE SOME ACTION, by John M. Borack, which listed the "Top 200 Power Pop Albums of All Time." Although Borack's list was quite a bit different from what mine would be, I enjoyed it immensely, and it inspired me to write a list of my favorite 100 power pop songs... which quickly became my favorite 150 power pop songs... and then my favorite 200... But I couldn't leave "Fox on the Run" or Skycyle off my list... so I finally settled on a nice, round 250 songs. My obsessive compulsion has its advantages. Well, at least if you're a power pop fan reading this blog...
"What's power pop?"
This is the question every person asks me after asking "What type of music are you into?" There's been whole books written on the subject, as well as a wonky Wikipedia page, and they don't answer the question that well, so I'm not sure how I can do. But my answer is usually something like this: traditional pop song arrangements that focus on hooks and melodies, but that often have a harder, rockier thrust. However, that only describes the power pop I personally like best. Carl Cafarelli in "Shake Some Action" describes it in the following way:
"In strictest terms, power pop is literally pop music with power, catchy tunes with an attitude. It refers to an energetic interpretation of pop rock, based in equal parts on melodic hooks and killer instinct. It takes obvious inspiration from mid-1960's rock 'n' roll, especially from groups like the Beatles, The Kinks, and the early Who. From about 1977 onward, it has frequently absorbed a recognizable influence from the ragin' rhythms of punk."
Well, why the fuck not. Let's go with that.
For me, power pop was birthed by the above-mentioned bands in the '60's, but was truly created by the big five - Big Star, the Raspberries, Todd Rundgren, Badfinger, and Cheap Trick - in the early-to-mid '70's. New wave bands like the Knack, Squeeze, and the dB's, and punk bands like the Ramones, helped to hammer it into shape in the late '70's and early '80s, and today's post-modern purveyors continue to add new wrinkles every year.
"How did you decide what bands belong on this list?"
I hunted and poked and came up with whom I came up with below. I normally left off bands who may have had a power pop song or two, but weren't generally considered power pop overall; Alice Cooper's Under My Wheels, The Old 97's Rollerskate Skinny, or The Clash's Hateful, for example, weren't included because Alice, the Olds, and The Clash aren't really power pop bands. Other bands that sidle power pop, but aren't quite, like Elvis Costello and The Replacements, I also left off the list. And I didn't include the piano pop sub-genre of power pop that would include great bands like the Ben Folds Five and Fluid Ounces. I DID include punk power pop bands; although Borack slides past them in his book, there's no doubt in my mind that The Ramones and The Buzzcocks are pure power pop.
"You're missing ______!
How could you leave them off, you cocksucker?!"
First of all, calling me a cocksucker is a little harsh. It's only a list, and everyone's tastes are different. (Note: This is a list of my FAVORITE power pop songs not the GREATEST power pop songs - it's completely subjective.) There are a lot of classic power pop bands I may appreciate but really don't enjoy much - The Shoes, 20/20, and Dwight Twilley, for instance. Overall, I definitely lean toward the harder-edged, rockier power pop of Cheap Trick (5 songs), The Wannadies (7 songs), and The Ramones (4 songs), or the more extravagant indie power pop bands like Apples in Stereo (6 songs) or Sloan (5 songs).
In making this list, I have to thank Jordan Oakes, who lovingly compiled the Yellow Pills compilations, John M. Borack , Joe Williams, my friend and CD-compilation maker, and Not Lame Records, the number one purveyor of great power pop (please check them out at www.notlame.com).
Also, you can check out a very truncated downloadable version of this list on iTunes at MY 100 FAVORITE POWER POP TUNES SONGS AVAILABLE ON ITUNES.
Here goes. Enjoy -
1. Surrender - Cheap Trick
2. Erica's Word - Game Theory
3. Pulling Mussels (From the Shell) - Squeeze
4. Calling All Destroyers - Tsar
5. Goin' Through Your Purse - Material Issue
6. These Others - Vandalias
7. Good Girls Don't - The Knack
8. Late - Trip Shakespeare
9. Cruel to Be Kind - Nick Lowe
10. Gimme Love - The Swingers
11. Go All the Way - Raspberries
12. Why Bother? - Weezer
13. Crybaby - Utopia
14. Down Like Me - Ken Stringfellow
15. Alright - The Lost Patrol
16. Headache -Frank Black
17. Golden Blunders - The Posies
18. The KKK Took My Baby Away - The Ramones
19. Town Called Malice - The Jam
20. Highschool - Flashing Lights
21. Couldn't I Just Tell You - Todd Rundgren
22. Can't Make Your Life - Lilys
23. Your Love Is the Place Where I Come From - Teenage Fanclub
24. Indy 500 - Girlpope
25. Don't Deflate - Starling
26. Yellow & Blue - Ice Cream Hands
27. She Digs Her - You Am I
28. Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
29. Counting the Beat - The Swingers
30. Going Underground - The Jam
31. Dear Scene, I Wish I Were Deaf - Nightmare of You
32. Get Over It - Ok Go
33. He's a Whore - Cheap Trick
34. The Ghost at Number One - Jellyfish
35. This 'n' That - Silver Sun
36. The Rest of My Life - Sloan
37. Been Waiting - The Flashing Lights
38. Turn It Around - Steve Ward
39. The Way I Want to Be - The Village Green
40. Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra
41. The Ballad of El Goodo - Big Star
42. I Don't Want Control of You - Teenage Fanclub
43. Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet
44. She's So Young - The Pursuit of Happiness
45. Melanie - The Nines
46. Sun - The Toms
47. Opportunites - You Am I
48. Up the Junction - Squeeze
49. Homemade Movie Queen - Ray Wonder
50. About Your Fame - The Apples in Stereo
51. Taking Up Space -The Cavedogs
52. Nothing Wrong - The Wannadies
53. I Just Threw Out the Love of My Life - Weezer & Rachel Hayden
54. The Kind of Day I Had - Dum Dums
55. Keep the Home Fires Burning - The Bluetones
56. Dawn Can't Decide - The Lemonheads
57. Sucked Out - Superdrag
58. Hurt Me - The Odds
59. Wish It Would Rain - Roger Joseph Manning Jr.
60. Dumb - Silver Sun
61. Gene Autry - Beulah
62. Losing California - Sloan
63. Buzzbomb - Vandalias
64. Earn Enough for Us - XTC
65. Mary Provost - Nick Lowe
66. Disaster - Frisbie
67. Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
68. I'm Shakin' - Rooney
69. Mule - Wille Wisely
70. Across the Sea - Weezer
71. When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney
72. Madame Helga - Stereophonics
73. Someone Somewhere - The Wannadies
74. There She Goes -The Las
75. Do Anything You Wanna Do - Eddie and the Hot Rods
76. Charity at Home - Vandalias
77. Those Words - Eggstone
78. Needles and Pins - The Ramones
79. I Want to Be Buried in Your Backyard - Nightmare of You
80. Built in Girls - Wrens
81. Purple Sneakers - You Am I
82. No Tomorrow - Orson
83. The Big Lie - Gigolo Aunts
84. 24 - Game Theory
85. Understanding Jane - The Icicle Works
86. Whenever You're on My Mind - Marshall Crenshaw
87. Wish List - Jets to Brazil
88. Nobody Knows - Raspberries
89. Oh Tara - The Knack
90. Electric Chair - The Dolls (featuring Jane Jensen)
91. I Can't Take It - Cheap Trick
92. I Need Love - Sam Phillips
93. It Hurts Too Much - Eric Carmen
94. Ever Fallen in Love - Buzzcocks
95. No Matter What - Badfinger
96. Cigarette Lighter Love Song - Marvelous 3
97. Permanent - Arthur Yoria
98. New Mistake - Jellyfish
99. Trees - The Lovehammers
100. A Spy in the House of Love - dB's
101. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
102. Different Girl - Swag
103. Love Is the Answer - Utopia
104. Benefits of Lying (With Your Friend) - Apples in Stereo
105. Maybe Tonight - The Knack
106. Ride - The Montgomery Cliffs
107. Junk - Brainpool
108. Under the Light of the Moon - The Merrymakers
109. No One Told Him - Vandalias
110. Hollow Head - Sloan
111. My Mind - The Scruffs
112. Fallen Angels - Bill Boll
113. You and Me Song - The Wannadies
114. This Year's Jessica - The Beatifics
115. Stupid Thing to Say - Treble Charger
116. Everybody Gets What They Deserve - The Churchills
117. The Bird That You Can't See - The Apples in Stereo
118. Comets - Brian Stevens
119. The Genius - True Love
120. Yearbook - Splitsville
121. Baby It's Cold Outside - Pezband
122. No One Else (acoustic version) - Weezer
123. Dragonfly - The Sun Sawed in 1/2
124. I Don't Wanna Break Up - Tsar
125. Get High - All Day Sucker
126. Shorty - The Wannadies
127. She Looks Like You - Arthur Yoria
128. She Reduces Me - Paper Airplane Pilots
129. Gee Angel - Sugar
130. Wednesday Girl - The Montgomery Cliffs
131. The Way She Drives - Ice Cream Hands
132. April's Fool - The Merrymakers
133. Caught By the Fuzz - Supergrass
134. Down with Peter Green - The Mayflies USA
135. Call Me - Arthur Yoria
136. Horse & Carriage - Calamine
137. MONoSTEReo - Tsar
138. Uri Geller - The Wannadies
139. That's What the Little Girls Do - The Knack
140. I Just Wanna Stay at Home - The Blondes
141. It's Up to You - The Tuesdays
142. The Good Life - Weezer
143. I Was Never a Normal Boy - Nightmare of You
144. How Good It Can Be - The 88
145. Same Old Drag - The Apples in Stereo
146. Your Number or Your Name - The Knack
147. Don't Want to Say Goodbye - Raspberries
148. Leave Me Alone - The Cavedogs
149. Smallville - Brainpool
150. Weight The Can't Be Carried - Heavy Blinkers
151. Oh Yes (It's a Mess) - The Wannadies
152. Daisy Duke - Rooney
153. Hoover Dam - Sugar
154. Head On - The Jesus and Mary Chain
155. You Said That Last Night - The Apples in Stereo
156. I'll Come Down - The Davenports
157. Nothing Lasts Forever - Copperpot
158. Gray - You Am I
159. Thirteen - Big Star
160. Take the World - Blow Pops
161. Cannot Love You Enough - Willie Wisely
162. A Notice to Everyone (The Cops Are Pissed) - The Model Rockets
163. Ruin Everything - The Maroons
164. Everybody Knows - This Perfect Day
165. Cruel Girl - The Red Button
166. All in Your Head - Rooney
167. Jade - The Waking Hours
168. It's the Night Time - Josh Rouse
169. She Came On - Super Deluxe
170. How Can Love Hurt So Much - The Knack
171. Newark Needs Insurance - Bill Boll
172. El Scorcho - Weezer
173. Slackjawed - The Connells
174. Thinking Out Loud - The Mayflies USA
175. Alison's Starting to Happen - The Lemonheads
176. Hide Another Mistake - The 88
177. Hot Dog - Eugenius
178. Next Time - Three Hour Tour
179. A Good Man Is Easy to Kill - Beulah
180. Message '78 - Myracle Brah
181. Into the Crowd - Brainpool
182. Love is for Lovers - dB's
183. Phone Call No. 27 - Admiral Twin
184. Monkey in the Middle - The Merrymakers
185. A Million Miles Away - The Plimsouls
186. What in the World - Richard X. Heyman
187. Girlfriend - Uptown Sinclair
188. Do Re Mi - Every Single Saturday
189. Crash - Primitives
190. Can You Feel It? - The Apples in Stereo
191. Someone Who's Cool - The Odds
192. In Quintessence - Squeeze
193. That's What They Do - Holiday with Maggie
194. I Saw the Light - Todd Rundgren
195. Let's Be Friends Again - The Toms
196. Bliss - Fuzzbubble
197. Everything's Going Your Way - Love Nut
198. Anything, Anything - Dramarama
199. So It Goes - Nick Lowe
200. Everything You've Done Wrong - Sloan
201. Letter from an Occupant - The New Pornographers
202. My Brain is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg) - The Ramones
203. False Alarm - Sloan
204. Tonight It's You - Cheap Trick
205. Out of My Head - Fastball
206. Song One - The Argument
207. Hysterical - The Blakes
208. Back of My Hand - Jags
209. I Like You a Lalalala Lot - The Wannadies
210. Radiation Vibe - Fountains of Waync
211. Thinking About You - Michael Carpenter
212. Directly from the Heart - The Innocents
213. She's So High - Tal Bachman
214. Hard Cold Stone - Stingray Green
215. Annie Get Your Gun - Squeeze
216. That's Rock 'n Roll - Eric Carmen
217. Alright - Supergrass
218. All - Skycycle
219. Senses Working Overtime- XTC
220. From Blown Speakers - The New Pornographers
221. Timpani Heart - The Sun Sawed in 1/2
222. Parador - Wisely
223. Someday, Someway - Marshall Crenshaw
224. Damage - You Am I
225. Sorrow (Boots of Pain) - The Cavedogs
226. The Fan - Material Issue
227. We Got to Be Good to Each Other - Ray Wonder
228. Bad Karma - The Montgomery Cliffs
229. Ontario - The Posies
230. Hyde Street Virgins - The Loud Family
231. Fox on the Run - Sweet
232. Bruised - The Bens
233. Stuff and Nonsense - Split Enz
234. Papercup - Brainpool
235. Fifteen - You Am I
236. Always Carry On> - The Spongetones
237. But I'm Different Now - The Jam
238. I May Hate You Sometimes - The Posies
239. Every Day I Fall in Love Again - Linus of Hollywood
240. Heaven's Falling - Cheap Trick
241. The Weakest Shade of Blue - The Pernice Brothers
242. Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
243. Does It Even Matter - Myracle Brah
244. Infatuation - The Spongetones
245. I Could Use You - Material Issue
246. Danny Says - The Ramones
247. Get Up - You Am I
248. Too Much, Too Little, Too Late - Jellyfish
249. I Don't Mind - Buzzcocks
250. Don't Tell Me - The Shivvers
The above is all going to change in a matter of days.
And, unless you get easily ill, go see CLOVERFIELD! You can read everything I had to say about it by signing up at www.jgas.org, and going to my personal forum.
Bye,
James
What happens in Vegas... shoulda definitely never fucking happened in Vegas.
So I took my buddy Stevie Blackehart on a birthday trip to Vegas, and it JUST SO HAPPENED that the trip coincided with the AVN Adult Awards and convention, and it JUST SO HAPPENED that my pals Aiden Kelly and Belladonna offered Stevie and I free trade passes...
Even though Bella is my number 1 Arch-MySpace-Blogging-Rival, Stevie and I just couldn't pass it up.
Of course the moment we arrived Stevie started giggling like a schoolgirl and wanted to have photos taken with all of his favorite adult stars. Since this was his day, I obliged.
Stevie kept telling these dudes to "reach in his coffee cup", but none of them fell for it. They'd all seen the Dick in Box video. (Unfortunately, I hadn't -- I'll never drink Starbucks again without thinking of the porridgey feel and rancid odor of Stevie's syphillitic penis).
And let's not forget John Wayne Bobbitt, more penis-y than he's been in years.
The lines were long for all of MY favorite adult stars, so I thought I'd try something new -- I just had my picture taken with some of the fans who were standing in line. Hard to believe -- but none of these guys had a single person standing in line waiting to have their picture taken with them.
That last guy? I fucked him.
I'm kidding!! I just blew him.
I'm kidding again! He raped me.
That time I'm not kidding. That dude's a fucking dick.
(Don't sue me, strange camera dude.)
I was very pleased to be recognized many times daily. It's good to know my biggest fans are fucking perverts.
At one point, I looked over to see these women tossing something out to the crowd, and dudes going crazy fighting over them...
I didn't know what it was until a woman nearby showed me...
(NOTE: My video of the FLESHLIGHT, a plastic vagina tube made to have sex with, was removed by PHOTOBUCKET as "inappropriate content." I don't quite get it - it just looks like a little butt to me. But imagine you're watching a video of it now - or you can see it now at www.fleshlight.com. Then go on.)
I had just witnessed my first ever VAGINA TOSS - these dudes were all fighting over PLASTIC THINGS TO FUCK!
I've never tried to fuck one of those things but I honestly think my hand would feel more fleshy and vagina-like. Just a thought. God loves ugly men so he gave them the closest thing to a vagina (after a vagina or a woman's mouth) attached to the end of their arms. Thank you, God (but not thank you as much as I would if there was a woman's mouth in the palm of my hand).
But I guess that plastic dealie was the closest most of the dudes in this crowd were going to get to a vagina that isn't attached to them... (but I kid the perverts. These guys are all getting tons of pussy.)
The truth is, I had a ball at the convention. Sure, there are a fair amount of scumbuckets around -- but I think the scumbucket ratio is pretty similar, maybe even less, than what it is at the Cannes Film Festival. Have any of you ever met an ICM agent? I'd take an Evil Angel rep over those fuckers any day.
And while there I hung out with my old friend Jason Green who worked on TROMEO & JULIET and now runs PARADISE VISUALS, I met Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show (whose scrotum waxing on Sirius was probably the highlight of my 2007), and I had an incredible gourmet French dinner with Aiden, Bella, Jules Jordan, Jenna Haze, Bobbi Starr, and her dude Michael.
There's probably more to tell about our Vegas trip, but I actually caught a bug while I was there and need to go to sleep. Just a little touch of the HIV. I'm pretty sure it'll be gone by the weekend.
I love you,
James
My 8 Favorite Movies
1) No Country for Old Men
2) Once
3) The King of Kong
4) Superbad
5) Juno
6) Bourne Ultimatum
7) Breach
8) Planet Terror
A lot of my friends dig at No Country for Old Men, calling it skilled but emotionless. I don't fucking get it. I started crying during the scene between Javier Bardem and Kelly MacDonald near the end of the film, and couldn't stop for a good hour and a half after the movie was over (and, honesly, I'm getting choked up now just thinking about it.) The movie starts with Tarantino-like violent fun and leads us into someplace far bleaker, more moral, and heartbroken -- and it's one of the greatest novel adaptations ever.
Why only 8 films? Because after this you move into films I like a lot but don't love -- like Eastern Promises, 3:10 to Yuma, and There Will Be Blood -- three movies with an incredible first two acts which, for me, fall apart a bit in the third. Or Michael Clayton, which I liked a whole lot... but I don't know if I liked it as much as the three films with the weird third acts. Whatever, it was a big jump to 9 so I just decided to keep it pure. It's all arbitrary anyway.
Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I have seen less movies this year than any year of my life. I went a few months where I was too distracted to even sit down and watch a film. Because of this, I'm sure I've missed some gems (and I'm sure you cocksuckers will point them out to me in the comments below).
My 5 Favorite Movie Scenes
1) Naked Viggo Mortensen fights two dudes to the death in the shower in Eastern Promises.
2) Glen Hansard teaches Marketa Irglova how to sing Falling Slowly in the music store in Once.
3) The very end of The Savages.
4) Javier Bardem and Kelly Macdonald discuss her future in No Country for Old Men.
5) The opening sequence in There Will Be Blood.
My 25 Favorite Songs
1) Tears Dry on Their Own Amy Winehouse
2) Falling Slowly Glen Hansard & Market Irglova
3) Fluorescent Adolescent Arctic Monkeys
4) Stupid for You (Acoustic Version) Marie Digby
5) When Did Your Heart Go Missing Rooney
6) Lies Glen Hansard
7) I'll Kill Her Soko
8) Same Old Drag The Apples in Stereo
9) Mindy (Le Findy) For Ex-Lovers Only
10) I Was Never a Normal Boy Nightmare of You
11) The Mesopotamians They Might Be Giants
12) Once and Never Again The Long Blondes
13) Can You Feel It The Apples in Stereo
14) Right Moves- Josh Ritter
15) Say It to Me Now Glen Hansard
16) Cruel Girl The Red Button
17) Hang Around Ice Cream Hands
18) Password Morten Richter
19) My Home Town The Innocents
20) Potential Breakup Song Aly & AJ
21) All in Your Head Rooney
22) Umbrella Marie Digby
23) I Taught Myself to Grow Old Ryan Adams
24) Nothin' No David Vandervelde
25) All In the Way You Found Me Richard X. Heyman
I have made an iTunes list of these songs for your pleasure at http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=271206627.
It was a great year for individual tunes -- my top five are the kind of songs that I repeat six or seven times when they come up on my iPod. I really agonized over whether to include the Once songs, since many of them were previously recorded with The Frames or Hansard solo (and, yes, agonized is the right word -- I'm just that fucking neurotic). But, because they were new recordings for the film, I included them.
My 5 Favorite Albums
1) Calling the World Rooney
2) Once (Music from the Motion Picture) Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
3) New Magnetic Wonder The Apples in Stereo
4) She's About to Cross My Mind The Red Button
5) Back to Black Amy Winehouse
It was a hard call between Rooney and Once for the top spot -- but, in the end, I love every track on that damn Rooney album and I couldn't deny it 1.
My 3 Favorite TV Dramas
1) Lost
2) The Wire
3) Dexter
My 3 Favorite TV Comedies
1) The Office
2) 30 Rock
3) Flight of the Conchords
My Favorite Magazine
Mental Floss
My Favorite New Animal
The Crow
Well, okay, it's not a new animal. But the Crow now stands besides my other favorite creatures the platypus, the hippo, and the dog. Why? Because they're so fucking smart. Earlier I posted a video of a crow forming a tool to get food. Just as good is this portion of a Richard Attenborough BBC documentary
My Favorite Viral Videos
Strong Kids, Safe Kids!
Yes, I've posted it here before. But it's so beautiful, it's worth seeing again, isn't it?
My Favorite Novel
I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle
My 5 Favorite My Own Blogs
1) 50 Ways to Call Someone a Cocksucker in a Compliment (July 24) 2) Secrets of Amsterdam's Red Light District (May 1) 3) Demo Derby: The Threequel (October 25) 4) My Day at the Derby and the L.A. County Fair, in Pictures (October 2) 5) The Creepiest Things You'll Ever See (September 26)
The only reason for the strike - and don't believe anything to the contrary - is that the studios have refused to pay writers (and screen actors, and directors) residuals on new media. When you download a movie from Amazon or a TV show on iTunes, the people who created that content, who devised it, wrote it, acted in it, and directed it, get exactly 0% of the profits. And the studios want it to stay that way.
The WGA was asking for an increase in the residuals made on DVD sales (unlike new media, creators make a small percentage off of DVD and VHS sales, pay-per-view showings, TV sales, etc). For months now the studios have said that this was the reason the contract couldn't be closed. However, at the 11th hour - last night - the WGA took that off the table. It came down to new media and only new media. And the studios refused to budge.
This strike is absolutely not a matter of the rich getting richer. We're not striking because of guys like me who have made numerous feature films, or guys like Greg Daniels who have created popular TV shows. This is for middle-class writers - your regular TV staff writers and people who may have done one or two small feature films. Residuals are a way they can make perhaps a few thousand dollars a year between gigs. This is a way they can put food on the table and pay the rent during downtime - and downtime is something almost all writers (and actors and directors) have.
And the writers guild are striking not only for themselves - they're striking for the actors and directors as well. Most likely, whatever deal we agree to is the same deal the actors and directors will get when their contracts are up later this year.
None of the TV shows or movies you watch would exist without us, the people who created them, who poured our hearts and souls into the making of them. And yet, again, the studios think that only they should be making the money off of them. And new media is exceptionally important - in just a few years that may be the way most of us experience most of our entertainment.
I've gotten a lot of messages from MySpace folks worried about me or my various projects. The truth is, as long as the strike ends in the next thirty to forty years, I should be personally fine. And, to be quite honest, I'm excited about the break. I'm working on some smaller, non-studio, non-guild related projects with my brothers Brian and Sean, and with the LOLLILOVE crew of Pete Alton and Stevie Blackehart. This is stuff that really fires me up.
As for my big projects, PETS is definitely on hold, as I'm in the middle of writing the script, and can't turn anything in until the strike is over. THE BELCOO EXPERIMENT is a different story - the script is completely finished, my deal with the producers is done, and I could direct it if we all chose to do that. But would I want to commit to a movie that I wouldn't have the freedom to rewrite even if I wanted to?
However, although the strike for me is, in some ways, a good thing, I recognize how shitty it is for the rest of the industry, and the city of Los Angeles in general, so I want it to end quickly. I can't help but think of all the crew people who are going to lose jobs because of this, or the Burbank waiters and waitresses whose tips are going to dry up as the work around them does - not to mention the strippers across the LA area whose g-strings rely on writers and actors being flush with cash. Let's end this fucking strike for the strippers, okay?
Not to mention you guys, the audience. You're going to start to feel it right away with the late-night talk shows that are going to disappear or get real crappy real quick. And, if it lasts for a bit, you're going to lose out on the second half of the seasons of your favorite TV shows (already, WGA member Steve Carell didn't show up to set, so this season of THE OFFICE could be kaput after the next few already-shot episodes.) The studios will also rush movies into production with unfinished scripts which means, in a little less than a year from now, you're going to see the shittiest movies of all time.
So for their stinginess, their greed, and their overall bullshit, the studios can go fuck themselves. And not in a nice way either.
Be good,
James
Click here to read the 2005 Updates Archive.